Invest-In-Justin accomplished; Give-Justin-Points gathering steam London, England. After having announced last week that the finance scheme Invest-In-Justin - created to raise 1.2 million UK pounds to pay for Justin Wilson's Formula One season with Minardi - was accomplished, Wilson announced the launch of his new Give-Justin-Points scheme. Wilson, who so far this season has not managed to score a single point in the Championship, told reporters that he had high expectation for the innovative scheme. "I think it's quite exciting. It's a new system," said Wilson of his points scheme. "It's taken a long time to set up so it's quite satisfying to have it finally revealed today." Analysts explained that, according to the new scheme, Formula One teams would give points they have earned to Wilson, and in exchange they will receive protection from the gigantic driver. "I guarantee that any team manager giving me enough points in my new scheme will absolutely not get beaten up or have their paddock turned upside down," Wilson said.
The Monaco Grand Prix Photo Review "The friendly team" Just to prove there were no hard feelings, Ferrari gave Williams driver Juan Pablo Montoya a very large complimentary watch to celebrate his Monaco Grand Prix win. "Contract extended for elderly World Champion" Michael Schumacher is all smiles at the annoucement that he has extended his contract with Ferrari until the 2060 season. Ferrari engineers are convinced that thinning hair and fewer teeth will provide excellent weight savings in the future.		SIDEBAR B. Ecclestone "I am the Architect" T. Sato Recommends that Button not race in Montreal. Sir Terry Rowduck "Driving through Eau Rouge at 200km/h, with your car on fire and a cigar in your right hand. There is nothing that compares to that in modern Formula One." R. Barrichello Contract extended until 20:06 pm.
FIA announce full body armour for 2004 Protection strong enough to withstand accidents, dragon fire Paris, France. Formula One's governing body, the FIA, announced at a press conference today that from the 2004 season onward all drivers will be required to wear a medieval full suit of armour or else not drive at all. "Bernie was rummaging through the attic in our headquarters here in Paris and found a stack of these armours," said FIA president Max Mosley. "I told Bernie that if they were strong enough to withstand a blast of dragon fire then they should be good enough for the plastic cars we have in the Formula." According to Mosley, at the end of the season the winning driver will then be lifted by a crane out of the race winning car, hauled onto the podium and awarded Mrs. Mosley as a reward for his achievement.   Bridgestone tyre hauled into Ferrari meeting and explanation demanded "What's the matter with you?" screamed Jean Todt at Japanese rubber The Bridgestone tyre was unavailable for comment Monte Carlo, Monaco. According to reports, a Bridgestone tyre was called into a meeting of Ferrari's top brass and asked hastily to explain its poor performance at the Monaco Grand Prix. "We have covered it in precious oils and kept it warm with tyre blankets," said an unidentified, but visibly angry, Ferrari team member, "and this is how it rewards us for the treatment." When asked to respond, the Bridgestone tyre refused to say anything or comment on the situation and just lay on the ground, basking in the sun.

About the author:
Reginald Kincaid was born on 30th November 1912. Following graduation from the Royal Military College in Sandhurst he was commissioned in the Forth Hussars in February 1931. While stationed in Egypt with his brigade in 1934, he led the famous "Elgar" high speed camel expeditions that explored and documented the vast sand seas of Libya. In his own words he soon after became addicted to the "fine art of travelling fast" but exchanged camels for cars. Kincaid's exploits in European motor racing became legendary after being documented in his best selling biography "Racing with a stiff upper lip". Reginald Kincaid retired in 1991 and has been covering motor racing ever since. He now lives in Surrey, England, and tends to his hobby of beekeeping.