Pierre Dupasquier Invades Italy Clermont Ferrand, France. The Michelin Corporation announced today that it had stopped all negotiations with Ferrari and FIA and under the leadership of Pierre Dupasquier invaded the republic of Italy. The target of the invasion will be to hunt down Ferrari technical director Ross Brawn and the editors of Gazzetta dello Sport. "All we can say at this moment is that our army has crossed the Italian border in a convoy of Williams FW25s," said a spokesman for the French tyre company, adding: "We expect arrests and apologies at any moment now." The Michelin spokesman declined however to comment on reports that the army was unable to squeeze through Italian tollgates due to unusually wide tires.
The Hungarian Grand Prix Photo Review "Fisichella's 2004 challenger" In spite of niggling issues with the calibration of their new wind tunnel, Sauber are still convinced that when properly tweaked their 2004 car, pictured here behind Giancarlo Fisichella, can provide their newly signed star with considerable luggage space. "I am going to catch myself a World Championship" With the World Championship title a realistic possibility, Williams driver Juan Pablo Montoya has replaced his famous fast-food diet with hefty portions of carrots.		SIDEBAR Cosworth Hire pyrotechnics experts Townsend Bell Yet another rookie impresses in straightline testing Sir Terry Rowduck "Stirling or Surtees would beat the pants off today's puppy drivers, if only they would fit into the cars." Tyre Compound Mixing Voted sexiest profession by Cosmopolitan magazine
"Bernie" to Handle All Future Contract Negotiations Regarding the Montreal Grand Prix F1 supremo Bernie Ecclestone introduces "Bernie" to the press London, England. Formula One supremo Bernie Ecclestone announced today that all future contract negotiations regarding the Montreal Grand Prix would be handled by a bust statue called "Bernie", molded in the tycoon's image. "This statue, which bears a striking resemblance to me, will listen carefully to the Canadians' arguments for keeping a race without tobacco sponsorship on the calendar," said Ecclestone, "and I am sure that if 'Bernie' gives them a positive answer, I will too." Made entirely out of iron and lead, the 300kg "Bernie" bust statue is predicted to maintain a strong position against any of the Canadian delegation's convincing arguments and protect the interest of Mr and Mrs Ecclestone.   FIA Declares Formula One Racing for Diplomats Only San Marino Ambassador holds convincing lead Paris, France. Formula One's governing body, the FIA, announced today that only diplomats and their spouses would be eligible from now on to drive in the Formula One World Championship racing series. "We felt it was necessary in our efforts to increase the standard of racing to introduce this new regulation," said FIA president Max Mosley. "A modern racing driver needs to do so much more than race cars and we felt that without adequate training in socializing and lobbying he really wouldn't stand a chance." After yesterday's changes, the right honorable ambassador of San Marino Michael Schumacher took a convincing lead in the championship with 72 points - some 72 points ahead of the next ambassador.

About the author:
Reginald Kincaid was born on 30th November 1912. Following graduation from the Royal Military College in Sandhurst he was commissioned in the Forth Hussars in February 1931. While stationed in Egypt with his brigade in 1934, he led the famous "Elgar" high speed camel expeditions that explored and documented the vast sand seas of Libya. In his own words he soon after became addicted to the "fine art of travelling fast" but exchanged camels for cars. Kincaid's exploits in European motor racing became legendary after being documented in his best selling biography "Racing with a stiff upper lip". Reginald Kincaid retired in 1991 and has been covering motor racing ever since. He now lives in Surrey, England, and tends to his hobby of beekeeping.