Well it was nice while it lasted wasn't it? After a brief respite in Monaco, Formula One has again staked its claim to sole possession of the words ‘predictable' and ‘boring'. And unfortunately it has now reached the point where not only are the races predictable and boring, but everything written about them is predictable and boring including complaining that they're predictable and boring. In fact, it could even be said that I am predictable and full of sponge cake. The only thing left to do is to look for alternatives.

TOP TEN THINGS TO DO INSTEAD OF WATCHING FORMULA ONE

Here are the Insider's best suggestions of how to most fruitfully spend the two hours which you previously devoted to watching F1.

10. Rinse, lather, repeat as often as necessary.

9. Spend more time with the one you love. (Don't let your spouse find out).

8. Call Jarno Trulli for the name of his hairdresser and make an appointment for your poodle.

7. Go to church. Pray for Michael Schumacher's retirement.

6. Mow the lawn. Better yet, mow my lawn.

5. Devote the time to charity. (If you know of any charities that need semi-comatose men to sit on a couch for two hours, please let me know).

4. Learn a new skill such as wiggling your ears or driving a Minardi at full speed.

3. Call Jarno Trulli's hairdresser and tell him you were only kidding. Why would you want your poodle to look like that!!

2. Determine problem with Mercedes engine and advise McLaren accordingly. With remainder of two hours, bake a cake.

1. Make a list of 10 things you could be doing if you weren't so busy making lists.

RUBENS RHUBARB RHUBARB

The number 1A driver at Ferrari is still having some trouble expressing himself so once again, The Insider is going to help out with a little additional translation as a service to the F1 community.

"Yesterday, we felt Michael was a bit quicker"

Which is unusual but, you know, if that's what the team thinks, well, I'm a company man.

"So rather than aiming to try and get second place on the grid and start on the dirty side"

We decided to aim for a spot further down the grid as 7th is much better than 2nd.

"Running two stops almost worked as I went from seventh to second"

And actually now that I think about it, 2nd is better than 7th.

"But it was not good enough to take first place"

Because that would be one more and 2nd is better than 1st.

"I had a good start and took the first corner cleanly with Jenson (Button) but I think I might have touched a Renault"

I realize that this is a whole new definition of taking the first corner cleanly but it was only a Renault after all.

"I had to push quite hard when I was in traffic and that was hurting the tyres a bit"

Michael doesn't have traffic.

"I think Sato's move was a bit amateur. Luckily I just saw his nose..."

He has the cutest little button nose.

"...and moved over"

Otherwise we might have almost not collided.

"After the incident, I lost part of my bargeboard"

It's probably in the same place as the Jaguar diamond.

"And it was lucky the race was in its final stages as it affected the handling"

The aerodynamicists were thrilled as it is generally believed that bargeboards are just a job creation scheme on the part of the engineering department.

"It took me a couple of laps to assess what the car was doing"

It was sort of going BRMMMM, BRMMMMM and the round things at the corners were going round and round and round and.......

"And then the team told me to push again as Jenson was closing"

So I got out and pushed but I'm not sure how that was supposed to help.

IN BRIEF