The Formula One Insider
	by Mitchell McCann, U.S.A.

OH TO BE IN ENGLAND NOW THE GP'S THERE THIS JUST IN - SCHUMACHER IS HUMAN - FISHING TRIP TO GALILEE CANCELLED As everybody outside of Bora Bora knows, Michael Schumacher crashed out of the British GP, and probably the championship race, last week at Silverstone. Let me say first of all, that I am delighted that he was not more seriously hurt and that I am disappointed that the championship has probably now been decided. It will certainly be interesting to see whether Eddie Irvine can pick up the mantle of championship contender. He's certainly shown well in the last few races but I don't think he has it in him to rise from #1 opinionated-pain-in-the-arse to #1 Ferrari driver. The other question of course is whether Schumacher can overcome this new psychological hurdle when he does return. Never having been seriously injured before, he's probably lying in his hospital bed right now thinking: "Ouch! That really hurts" or possibly "Isn't it time for my bed bath?" I'm more confident in Schumacher's ability to rise to a new challenge than Irvine's but it is quite possible that with a couple of championships, a couple of kids and a couple of broken bones behind him, we may have already seen the best of Michael Schumacher. Of course, Michael was the supreme professional even under these extreme circumstances and had the presence of mind to instruct Sid Watkins to pass messages onto his wife and to his team regarding his situation and his first impressions of the cause of the accident. He even made effective use of his time while being wheeled from the medical centre to the helicopter, instructing orderlies to hold white sheets around him so that he could practice making shadow animals for his kids. Talking of The Accident, it is curious that it happened while Schumacher was fighting Irvine for position. Now I don't mean to imply in any way that Eddie was responsible for the accident but had it not been for Eddie's momentary lapse from contractual requirements, Schumacher's brakes would probably have failed at another time and place with, presumably, less dramatic consequences. I wonder if there's a clause in Eddie's contract that covers that. If anybody sees Eddie peeling potatoes at Fiorano, I guess we'll know why. And finally on this subject, I'm not mechanically inclined (if I can't stand straight it's normally due to rum and coke) but I was a little surprised to hear that Ferrari thought the brake failure was caused by a faulty nipple. As a father of three I can tell you that mine don't work either but that has never stopped my brakes from working. JOS "NOT GONNA HAPPEN" VERSTAPPEN Seems Damon's on-again, off-again is off-again (or on-again depending which way you look at it). After qualifying 6th, finishing 5th and leading for a lap, Damon's juices are flowing again. Or at least beginning to look a little less viscous than frozen treacle. The upshot of all this is of course that our Jos will not be returning in the foreseeable future. Holland, myself and possibly Paul Jones of Austin, Texas are all terribly disappointed. As this may be the last word on Jos for this season, I do want to point out that I am fully aware that he has previously raced in a competitive car despite what I said in my last column. However, his last ride in a 'competitive' car was in a Benetton in 94. Since that time, most of Holland has been keen to point out to me that, although he didn't set the world on fire, just one little bit of it once, this was because: a) he was a rookie b) his team-mate was Michael Schumacher and therefore his car was obviously not truly competitive c) it was his first year in F1 and d) he was a rookie I therefore deferred to the collective wisdom of the nether regions and decided to discount his 94 Benetton ride as a competitive car. WILLIAMS NOT FEELING THEMSELVES The people they are feeling have asked them to stop. Did anybody notice what Williams chose to put on their cars and uniforms in place of the outlawed tobacco sponsorship they normally carry? Looked to me like Williamsish. Now I know that they're not having a very good season by any standards let alone their own but are they really describing their team as somewhat Williams-like? A little on the Williams side? Not quite a Formula One team but basically pretty Williams-ish? Maybe this will become a new entry in the next Oxford English Dictionary: williamsish (wil-yums-ish) adj. A desperate inability to come to terms with the fact that one is not as good as one used to be. (Usage: Jacques Villeneuve stormed out of the press conference feeling decidedly williamsish). (I know, I know. It said WilliamsF1 but only just). BAR BOSS POLLOCK SEES A PENNY, PICKS IT UP. ALL THAT DAY HE HAS A PENNY Apparently the bottomless bankroll that has seen BAR become one of the most only slightly worse than average teams in the series, is not inexhaustible. It has been reported (by people far more sober than myself) that BAR will not attempt to develop this year's car any further in an attempt to save money. I'm sure that their sponsors are delighted to hear that their names will be slapped all over a pair of cars that should be able to give the Minardis a really good run for their money by the time Suzuka rolls around. I wonder if it has occurred to any of these sponsors, BAT aside of course, that they could in fact save money by not paying for the development of the cars that isn't going to happen. Do you suppose Ken Tyrrell ever stopped trying? PACETY CAR DUE FOR ITS 50,000 MILE SERVICE Pop quiz, hotshot. (Taking a quote from "Speed" for a Formula One column is pretty appropriate but do you really think Sandra Bullock in a city bus could make Evel Knievel look like a Shriner on Independence Day?) Where was I? Oh yeah. Pop quiz. It's Silverstone in July, an F1 race is about to start. The red lights go out and a car fails to move. Do you: a) red flag the race b) send out the safety car c) quickly and efficiently remove the car because you were prepared for this eventuality knowing that a large percentage of F1 races feature at least one car stalling on the grid d) do something different each time it happens If you'd been watching closely last week you would have noticed that the correct answer is (d). Given that David Coulthard used up his entire allotment of luck for 1999 by retaining his seat at McLaren, the correct thing to do is to red flag the race if Coulthard got a good start. If he didn't then you can send out the pacety car. If a car comes to a stop on the grid during the course of the race you can either: a) send out the safety car or b) see Bernie for your pink slip and don't let the door hit you in the arse on the way out. F1 is really trying to come to terms with this whole pace car thing but they're having a few teething problems. The first time they sent it out was on the opening lap so they really didn't need to be trying to close up the field that early on. The second time was a little more effective but with 1st and 2nd running so close together they could have waited until pit-stops were due to make it a little more interesting. (It's always fun to see F1 teams struggling with the concept of pitting under yellow). CYNICAL? ME? I FIND THAT HARD TO BELIEVE Some people have suggested that there is a slightly cynical aspect to some of my writing. I would therefore like to take this opportunity to point out something that I found to be extremely uplifting about last week's race. Emmmmm...... Give me a minute....... I'm thinking........ Oh yeah! Wasn't it nice to see Hakkinen not only staying at the track under circumstances which would have caused most of the F1 field to throw their helmets, stamp their feet and mow down a couple of spectators on their way out of the circuit, but also rushing to parc ferme to be the first to congratulate DC on his win? Seems there are still a couple of people who think motor sports and sportsmanship are not mutually exclusive.

Mitch McCann	© 1999 Kaizar.Com, Incorporated.
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